Perfection?
by SendMoreParamedics
Summary: Spin off with Nnoitra and Syazel, yaoi, slash. Flaws drive Syazel Grantz crazy. Is this whole thing one big mistake? Or should he just go ahead and fix it?
1. Chapter 1

**I really kinda liked this idea, and also, as weird as it is, it could totally work, this paring... or maybe not. Oh well, Nnoitra is pretty fuckin cool in my book. Like the Men's Warehouse. I like the way he looks. **_**Guaranteed**_**! UGH, y'know I'm just going to make a spin off of this and the GrimmUlqui pieces. Cuz it would really just muddle and muck up the storyline.**

* * *

...Even under such circumstances, they still took the time and had a clear enough head to care about it other.

I had no experience or concerns with this 'love' nonsense they spoke of. But after the way Nnoitra had thrown me down, and left me battered and bleeding like this, I really could only consider it.

Feelings for other people. Not always looking out for Numero Uno. Doing things for the benefit of some one else.

The hollow Shiro was not overcome by the need, like Nnoitra was. He cared for his partner Ichigo, unlike Nnoitra. He didn't want to hurt the other, simply for his reasons.

Nnoitra could not have cared less if it hurt. Having a hole thru the head hinders you that much? Or perhaps it was just his stupidity. Was his stupidity caused by the hole? What ever it was, it did not entirely explain his actions.

Wouldn't most people just go off and masturbate? Was there such a difference? Or was that his revenge for me to be the first ones to get to them?

No, that couldn't have been it. He was too cheerful for that. He had his lecherous smile on his face the entire time.

Why didn't he just jack off under the table? Why throw me down, and...

...

Nnoitra and I just had sex. Sure it was kind of forced, and brutal, and violent, but that counted. Did he have a reason for doing it to ME? There was plenty of others... But he had thanked me. In a sarcastic, scathingly venomous way, but a thank you none the less.

All I was doing here, lying here, was comparing how perfect their little romp had been, and how contrastingly different 'ours' had been.

...Perfect? Perfect? No, I knew my beliefs on perfect, why did I use such a word?

No, it was too late to deny. I used perfect. As an adjective, to describe them.

AND I DO NOT FUCK WITH PERFECTION.

I had no choice. If they were truly perfection, as I had said, I could not mess with them anymore. Even in such a imperfect stage, I could not let perfection be killed as the rest of Aizen's followers would want to kill them.

But much worse than that, I had taken part in something, that was not perfect. And that bothered me.

After I let them go. I would have to see about this flaw. Flaws were not acceptable.

**Perfection Spin-off, Chapter 2: ****The Painful and Yet Unavoidable Death Star Comparison, A New Hope**

* * *

As sore as I am, I get off the table and go to clean myself up. There is blood and cum on my precious previously sterilized table. Ugh, Nnoitra is going to pay for this table... But how?

What does Nnoitra hate? What does he despise? Why am I spending so much time thinking about that tactless barbarian? No! He must pay for my beloved table!

...Tomorrow though. I am too tired. Perhaps I am in shock. I have been staring at this table for the last few minutes. Clean up, then bed.

Maybe I'll just lie down for few minutes... Clean up later? Yes, I'll...

...ZZZ...

AH! WHAT TIME IS IT!

I jerk upright, to yelp, and lie back down. Oh dear. It is quite painful sitting up. Yes, extremely so. Nnoitra is going to suffer.

Oh, brilliant idea! I'll scoot around all day in my extremely plush and comfortable rolling chair! Damn, I am a genius. You are a genius Syazel Grantz! A genius.

Who cannot think of a way to extract revenge on Nnoitra...

Perhaps I shall think of something on the spot. Yes, this whole ordeal may call for some _spontaneity_, maybe even some _zazz,_ HELL, even _oomph_ and _bitchin' zest_! Oh yes, he was going DOWN.

**Yep. Yep. I got the inspiration. ya like? or is it way too fuckin weird?**


	2. Chapters 3,4, & 5

Perfection Spin-off, Chapter 3: The First Chapter Was So Short Because I Needed A Hole in the Plot, and I Was Really Kinda Buzzed

* * *

WHOOSH

I nearly laugh as I push myself down the hallway. This certainly was a much easier, faster, and fun way to travel in Los Noches than walking.

I enter the meeting room.

Oh no. In my joy I had forgotten. I was going to a meeting where seriousness was indeed encouraged, and this was the first time I had seen Nnoitra since our 'encounter'.

There he was, sitting in his chair, smirking away, as if nothing had happened. Well, to him I suppose nothing had.

I scan the room quickly. There was no tea at dinner meetings, so I couldn't 'accidently' spill boiling hot tea down his front. Or back, I wasn't going to be picky.

We all sat down as Aizen, Tousen, and Gin entered the room.

"Hello, all. Welcome to dinner meeting. Tonight's meal shall..."

This was ridiculous. Someone as ingenious as I, could not think of a way to get back at Nnoitra! Could I run in and cut his hair in the night? No, I needed to evolve more than 'summer camp trickery', I-

"And questions or comments? Concerns?" He asked. I had brain stormed all through his talk, and come up with nothing.

Ulquiorra raised his hand. He was always upset about SOMETHING.

Aizen nodded.

"I have a concern (I roll my eyes) about some writing I have found in a book in the library." Gin 'oh-no'-ed and gasped appropriately. "I do not care whether some espada has a crush on another, but once you deface out literature, I do find it quite irresponsible and childish." He held up a book and continued. "Any of you who think it is alright to go about making your feelings known or acknowledged in such an elementary and foolish way, should -"

"Hang out at the mall at Earth with all the other crazy saps..." Gin mutters under his breath.

...Summer camp trickery... crazy mall saps... Childish espada crush?

THAT WAS IT! Nnoitra hated feelings, humans, and tons of other things, but if I were to combine all those...

I had decided. I was going to become a lovesick mall sap with a childish espada crush on Nnoitra. Plan effective and starting immediately. Oh, I was going to have fun this dinner.

Thankfully no one said anything about me missing Lunch meeting.

I returned to my lab before dinner. I needed something... I didn't know what... Hmm maybe I could slip something into his food? Oh, why didn't I think of it before, POISON, that would make him regret. So obvious.

'Knock knock' I opened the door to find a smirking Gin. Not that he wasn't always smirking, but a mischievous smirk. Not a giddy smirk.

"Your planning something Dr. Grantz..." I blink. "I know when people are scheming. And you, are most definitely scheming. Scheming something big."

I give him a blank look.

"There's no fooling the trick master G, y'know. Your planning something and I demand to be a part of it."

"..."

" No pranks, or trickery, or fast ones, deceptions, antics, capers, or jokes happen without me. That is the price you pay. In return, you get immunity or a scapegoat. This isn't an offer. You either let me help, or it goes horribly, horribly wrong." He grins. "Your choice."

"...Uh..."

"Don't think it's something I could take part in? Try me."

"...Uh..." There was NO way Gin was going to be involved in this.

"Whether is a bucket of water over a door - good idea, yes I know, - "

"I'm trying to..." That was to close to comfort. I will NOT tell Gin.

"Either you tell me or I find out and spoil the whole thing."

"...You really can't help though. There's nothing you could do."

"Like I said. Try me."

"I'm going to have a sappy childish espada crush -"

"ON WHO!?"

"..."

"Sorry."

"To get back at them for doing something."

"What did they do? And by your use of 'they' and there are only 2 espada girls, one of which wouldn't do anything, I assume your talking about a male."

"Something."

"OOH, was it awful? Did they tie you down and rape you? Tell your actual crush of your crush? Blackmail?"

"Gin."

"Sorry. Just tell me and I won't have to do that."

"Close to the first one." I admit. He squeals with glee.

"OOOOOH! That sucks!" He chirps. Thanks for the empathy, fuck face. "You're going to make them think you love them, or are incredibly emotionally damaged, or you could try killing yourself, and make them all guilty! Or you could make them like you and crush their heart into oblivion. Or maybe, ... Sorry. What's your plan?"

"...I really had nothing beyond revenge. But those could work."

"Well I would ecstatic to help."

"How?" He shrugs.

"Follow me."

"What about dinner?"

"It will only take a second."

He takes me to a secret passage I never knew existed and opens a closet with a flourish.

"Here, you will find anything and everything you could ever need or not need."

"... How is this supposed to help me?"

"...Sit." He points to a chair, and I reluctantly sit.

"Are we going to be late to dinner?"

"Fashionably so." He dashes off. This better be worth it.

He returns, and drags me to a conveniently located changing closet. "Gimme your haori."

"Why?"

"Now!" I hand it over the top and he snatches it away.

"Now, who are you planning to dupe?"

"...Someone."

"..."

I sigh. "Nnoitra."

"...I almost wish I hadn't asked." He tosses something over the side.

...

...

"What the hell is this?"

"An outfit you will be wearing to dinner."

"Like hell. Give me back my clothes."

"They're covered in itching powder."

"...WHAT?"

"Guess you'll have to wear that!" He says in a sing song voice. "Besides. Nnoitra should like it all the more."

"I'm not wearing it."

"I think you are."

"You think wrong."

"I know so. I'll make you."

"You and what army?"

"...Aizen."

"...You're really going to make me wear this?"

"Yes."

"... I thought if I let you help this wouldn't go horribly wrong?"

"Look. You wear that, and I come in with all your clothes, boasting about my prank while you were in the shower, and then you walk in all purdy and I'll even change the seating around so you have to sit next to Nnoitra." He tosses over more things. "It's quite simple."

"...I'm not wearing all this."

"...Yes you are."

"How do you know Nnoitra likes 'this stuff' anyways?"

"I am all knowing. You have to be when you're the most sneaky person in the world."

"...And you'll go in before me? With all my clothes?"

"Yep yep! You can count on me!"

I sigh.

"Fine."

"See ya later! They're perfume and make up on the dresser if ya want it!" He dashes off, leaving me alone and absolutely terrified.

Gin, Ichimaru:

"HEY! Sorry I'm late! Do you want to hear about my latest prank?" Tousen glares in my general direction.

"It's really good. Syazel was in the shower and I took all his clothes!"

"...Gin, you've missed the appetizer course. Sit down." Tousen says calmly.

"But that's not the best part!"

"Why don't you tell us over dessert? Will Syazel be coming to dinner?" Aizen glances at the vacant chair.

"Yep! Well I hope so."

"I should hope so too. It is required." He refills his glass and drinks.

A few minutes later, the door slowly creaks open.

"Ahem, Aizen-sama, can I talk to you for a second?" He nods, gives me a look, and walks out the door.

"Does that mean he's naked?" Lurrci blurts.

"That or something EVEN BETTER." I say. She blushes, and pushes the salad around on her plate.

"You all will be courteous and not tease Dr. Grantz, will you not?" Aizen asks. We all nod. Lurrci very vigorously. Nnoitra raises an eyebrow towards the doorway.

Aizen walks in with a very disgruntled Syazel, and Ulquiorra spits his '72 Italian pinot noir all the way across the table.

Grimmjaw just laughs. "I always thought that Lurrci would be the only one to come to dinner in her lolita clothes."

"...That's not mine." She says quietly.

" That's an outfit that must be ordered strictly from the Diamond Dogs S&M catalogue!" I say gleefully. I love it when no one questions how I know these things. Syazel turns violent violet. "Lurrci, scoot over and stand up so we can compare please?" She blushes and stands.

"...Should I be grateful I cannot see?" Tousen asks.

Ulquiorra nods quickly, even though Tousen can't see it.

I look them both down. Lurrci's puffy skirt with her petticoats ends mid thigh. Syazel's tiny skirt, missing it's petticoat, barely covers anything at all. Mid thigh his striped nylons start with red lace garters, and end in a higher version of Lurrci's shoes in red vinyl.

He wraps his arms around himself and shivers.

"I don't know how you can stand to wear such little clothing." He says under his breath.

Lurrci of course has cleavage, which Syazel is sorely lacking. The corset/bodice he had instead pulled up to cover his chest, and Lurrci had pushed it down, so her chest was pushed outwards and upwards. In pushing it up, Syazel's hips and lower stomach were revealed, as well as the bruises Nnoitra (I assume) had left.

"Where did you get all the cuts and bruises?" She asks. Nnoitra and Syazel look at each other briefly and he says 'nowhere'.

He shivers again. "Fuck, it's cold... At least you have long sleeves." He rubs his arms.

I see Nnoitra sneaking peaks out of the corner of his eye, underneath his hair. Nothing remotely sneaky passes under my radar.

"Maybe someone could lend you a shirt!"

"Maybe you could return his clothes." Aizen whispers quietly.

"Nah, this is too much fun." I reply.

By now Syazel is slightly dancing in place, skirt lightly waving up and down. Nnoitra, no longer trying to be distracted with his salad, is looking terribly uncomfortable.

"Really though, are those scratch marks? Do they hurt? How did you get them?" She asks again.

"Here." Nnoitra quickly takes off his top shirt and shoves it at him. He turns around.

"Oh, I couldn't!" Oh goodie! He blushed perfectly. He's more sneaky than I give him credit for. Maybe he's not even cold.

"Just take it and siddown." He grumbles.

"No, really it's your shirt, -"

"Take it!" Careful not to overplay... If he does, it could be all over. He could take back his shirt and be angry...

"But-"

Nnoitra shakes his head and toss it at him.

...I saw that! Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky! He MISSED catching it on purpose. That was brilliant. A truly smart move indeed.

"If you're sure..." He bends over and Nnoitra drops his fork, blatantly staring. The fork makes a loud clank and falls off the plate, off the table, onto the floor. He does not move to pick it up.

He stands up and blushes. "Thanks..." He spins on his heel, putting on the shirt, and sits down on his side of the table.

Nnoitra, after a few seconds, searches madly for his fork, and finally picks it up off the ground.

"So, how was the appetizer?" He says smiling.

Syazel should become my partner in crime. He's practically a pro.

Perfection Spin-off Chapter 4, After Dinner Mint?

After dinner, and after a minor scolding from Aizen and a more severe one from Tousen, I go to meet with Syazel. I kneel down and jimmy the lock.

'Snick snick clank click, screee' ... The squeaking door is very ominous. I sneak around to his room. He is wrapped up in blankets, leaning over the shirt.

...

"What are you doing?"

"AUGH! Oh, Gin. Hello." He pauses. "Did you really have to take all my clothes?"

"Yep!"

"...Right."

"Were you smelling his shirt?"

"No."

"...Yes you were."

"No. I wasn't."

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not."

"... Yes you are."

"Am not."

"Then what were you doing?"

"...Nothing."

"You were smelling it."

"Was not!"

"... This conversation is pointless."

"I agree."

I shrug. "Well, get ready."

"For what?"

"Returning the shirt?" It was the most obvious thing in the world!

"Returning it?" He looked horrified.

"Yeah!"

"You say that like it's the most obvious thing in the world!"

"It is!"

"How?"

"A night-time visit? Wrap yourself in that blanket and act all cold again. And here, I brought these!"

"..."

"What? It's just blush and perfume!"

"I know."

I sigh.

Nnoitra:

'Knock knock' I turn over and look at the door. Who the hell is that? Well, it's not that late I guess. I shuffle out of bed to the door. I swing it open.

"...Your shirt?" I look up and down. It's Syazel, wrapped in a blanket, barefoot, with out the pantyhose, holding out my shirt.

"..." What is he doing here?

He shakes the shirt. OH! Shirt! Right.

I reach out and take it. He pulls back his arm and re-wraps his his blanket.

...

"Are you wearing..."

"That horrible excuse for clothes? Yes. I swear, I'm going to kill whoever did this." I was going to say perfume... but okay.

"...Good luck."

"Thanks."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"SO!" He says loudly.

"Right. Um..." I unconsciously leaned against the doorway. I stand up straight.

"...I ... should probably... y'know, go?"

"Yeah! I mean, ... sure." Oh this is awkward, why is it so awkward?

"...Right." He nods.

"...Cherry!" That's what he smelled like!

"...What?"

"Nothing!" I say quickly.

"...So, right. Leaving, going now." He turns around. "Bye"

"Goodnight. I mean!... Well, yeah. Bye." ... "Wait!"

He turns around. "?"

"... Uh..." Why did I say wait, why did I say wait? Think of something, think of something, think of something, anything. "This morning..." OH, why did I have to think of that.

He turns red. "...Um. Goodnight." He for lack of a better word, runs down the hall.

Damn. I just had to say that. THAT of all things. I think of how many times I've done something like that. Why get all tied up over it now? Though he did look pretty good in that skirt. Wonder how Gin managed that... OH! Gin did that.

Huh. I guess he's going to kill Gin. That should be pretty interesting.

"Hn."

"AUGH!" I spin around and Gin is standing there. Sometimes I wish I had two eyes... "What are you doing? How do you just sneak up everywhere?"

"You botched that."

"Botched what?"

" He came to your door at night, to return your shirt? Anyone with half a brain could tell what he wanted. Anyways, I was just stopping by. You seemed to like that little number he was wearing today, no?"

"... Go away." I close the door and crawl back into bed. Goddamn. What a son of a bitch.

Perfection Spin-Off, Chapter 5: The Mornging After

'MMM Nnoitra...' I licked up the blood running down his thigh. I raised the blade, and cut across his stomach. 'Deeper...' He pulled against the chains suspending him from the ceiling.

'Knock knock'

'Stop wiggling...' I trace the cut with my tongue, and raise the blade again.

'Knock Knock' "Nnoitra!"

"Smph kkkch."

"Nnoitra WAKE UP!"

"Huh?" I raise my head out of the pillow. I turn over on my back. Who the fuck was that now? I notice the wet feeling, and look down.

"Fuck. WHO IS IT?"

"Gin."

"Go away." I grumble.

"Nnoitra! Please do open the door! I think you would appreciate this." AUGH. I get up and shove the door open.

"What."

"Oh, now I see why you were so angry, anyways, good morning and all that nonsense," He shoved past me with basket. "Now,"

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Exactly!" Huh? "Which one do you prefer?" He holds up something blue. It takes me a second to focus on it.

"...Is... Is that a dress?"

"Yes. Now what about the rest?" He dumps the basket out all over the floor.

"...Uh... What is this for?"

"Syazel, moron! We must hurry! He tends to get up early! Now choose!"

"You're the one who took his clothes!"

"YES, I already told you that, now choose!"

"..." I look over the floor. A white and red piece catches my eye. "Is that one a nurse outfit?"

"Yep."

"Fuck the rest, I don't care what they are. That one. I'm going back to bed." He nods and gathers the rest up.

"Same time tomorrow. Buh-Bye!" He dashes off again.

What the hell is WRONG with that guy?

I wake up slowly, and stretch.

"NNNNNNNNNNgh." Then I remember.

"AH! Breakfast!" I jump up and get ready. I was not being late for this, by any stretch of means. I throw on my clothes and race to the dining room.

Almost everyone is there. Except for Syazel. Gin smirks at me as I sit down.

A few minutes later, he walks in. Barefoot, carrying a pair of red heels. There is a red cross on the right pocket. Ulquiorra looks up, and chokes on his orange juice.

"The red REALLY clashes with your pink and orange." Lurrci says dryly.

"Tell me something I don't know." He says.

"I think you pull it off very well. I know I'm not the only one." Says Gin. I glare at him.

"These shoes are too small. They hurt like hell. I just want my clothes back. Hell, even my shoes." He sighs. I squint as I try to picture him with the little white hat. He is Dr. Grantz after all.

Breakfast is boringly uneventful. Afterwards, Aizen hounds me about cleanup duty.

"Your name was drawn for this week Nnoitra, you did it yesterday. Today is no different." He turns to the group. "And remember! If you volunteer for a week you will not be chosen the next week!" But no one ever did that. The chance that you would be chosen was far less to make that an appealing deal.

But Syazel raised his hand. "Lurrci and I will volunteer Aizen-Sama!"

"Fantastic!" Everyone else left. What the hell was this? I look at him, but he just smiled

"So..."

"I'll wash the dishes!" Whooped Lurrci.

"I'll collect dishes..." He shrugged.

Soon the squeaking, clanking and cleaning of dishes was heard. A pause here and there, until a

scree -AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEE! CRASH!

Me and Lurrci look over. We see nothing.

"Ugh..." Where did that come from? We look down and Syazel is flat on his back behind us.

"...That looks uncomfortable." I say.

"The spoon to the forehead, shattered plate in the back or slipping and landing on my ass on tiles?"

"All of the above." Says Lurrci.

"None of the above, I was talking about that red lacy-"

"AH!" He sits up and kicks his legs together, pulling the dress down.

Lurrci turns to me, shocked. "Is he really wearing -"

I nod vigorously.

"What, don't look at me like that! It was either this or nothing at all!" Neither of us say anything in response.

"...Do you want help up?" Ask Lurrci.

"I'll get up as soon as I figure out how to do it without spreading my legs, thank you very much." He didn't sound very thankful.

Syazel:

He bends over and pulls on my arms. I of course am all over this opportunity like ecoli on meatloaf that's been left out over night. (A/N:I just love that...) I grab his biceps and make a squeaking noise. He sets me back on the ground. His arms linger, and I don't let go. Until we make eye contact, that is.

Lurrci returns wordlessly to washing dishes. We jump away from each other as if we had just poked a fork into an electrical outlet.

None of us say anything, and walk to out rooms silently. It felt like we should be saying something, talking, joking, or bickering. Anything. Not this horrible silence.

I walk around my lab, pondering. Where was this plan going? Besides making it horribly awkward? Besides making me look like a perfectly willing cross-dresser?

I sat down at my table, re-cleaned and sterilized. Staring across the silver gleaming surface, for who knows how long.

Where was I going with this? This revenge wasn't revenge. I could of just poisoned him. Killed him. Made my 'copy doll' and crushed his guts. I sighed dramatically to myself.

I had always pushed my self away from that horrible needing of friends, dumping my problems, and such, but now, I felt as if I could somehow appreciate a tea meeting with some random women, talking about their boyfriend prob- ...Boyfriend problems?! I shook my head. All their problems. Boyfriends, work, kids...

Damn it. Maybe I'll go talk to Gin... I stand up and walk outside, only to dive back in again, shutting the door behind me.

What was Lurrci doing?

I shook my head again. Probably nothing, why did it matter if she was going into Nnoitra's room or not? I wasn't even sure it was his.

EW, what if it was Aaroneiro's? That Kaien face he sported was really bizarre.

But no, that was Nnoitra's room. Aaroneiro's room was the other way down the hall.

I wasn't going outside. I didn't need to talk to Gin anyway. That was ridiculous. I was not a middle aged housewife, or a twenty something ridiculous valley girl. That was extremely stupid. I was perfectly capable of solving my own problems.

I walked around my lab for awhile, but nothing interested me. I was still waiting to get my hands on some batch of chemicals, but I would be waiting at least until next week.

I walked around once more. This was getting ridiculous. If not even science could interest me, something must be wrong. And DAMN IT, I was the doctor! This was getting ludicrous!

Maybe I will talk to Gin. Maybe he has a clever ploy, or an idea for a 'fast one' to pull. But my vengeance was starting to disappoint me. I walked outside cautiously. No sign of any one in the hall.

I didn't know why I was sneaking around like this. Past Ulquiorra's door I started walking normally.

I jumped as I heard a door open.

Nope, not his, I'm just being paranoid. But... Lurrci, I turn around, to see Lurrci staring at me wide eyed.

...

Yes, she did just come out of Nnoitra's room. And she only had her dress on, and was carrying her socks and shoes. I stared back, quite evenly horrified. We dashed off our separate ways.

As I tear around the corner to the other rooms, I start to rip off the stupid buttoned nurse dress. This whole idea was stupid. Stupid, stupid, fucking stupid. So what if he did that? I should just get over it. No biggie, no deal at all. FUCK Nnoitra. FUCK Lurrci. And most of all, FUCK my revenge.

* * *

OMG! THE PLOT TOTALLY THICKENS! DUDE! I was thinking, like... maybe I have Nnoitra with Lurrci (lurrci likes him if you don't know) and then a little bit o Gin and Syazel, but only to make the other one jealous or maybe just fluffy comfort... OMG, fuckin GEEEEEEEENIUS! WHOOP! Yeah-yuh! Tell me, should I?Anyone HIGHLY o-fuckin-ffended by Gin/Syazel?


	3. gin to the rescue! and not the drink!

**I own nothing besides an Ichigo plushy (which I now spend copious amounts of time squeezing and squealing and kissing senseless. I also sleep with it. He and Andrew have a strange Love/Hate relationship.) So the first page of our comic is done. We gonna call it Queer and Loathing. HEHEHE! Get it? After Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Yeah, Anyways, yeah. It's andrew's version of how we met and stuff. The next page is gonna be MY version, which totally counts all the times at shows, which he was too smashed or whatever to remember. I do drugs that let me keep my memory, so NYEH on him! cough yeah. I'm abandoning all thoughts on this, cuz I have the line, and im not gonna fuckin stray, like all the other ones. I've got NOTHING for Great Escape/Mo' Honey, Mo' Bees. I had an idea, but I forgot it. SO...**

I pound on his door.

"Gin! Gin open up! It's me."

The door swings open and I am sickened by his cheerful face.

"And what can I do for you?"

"Shut up, gimme my clothes back." I walk past him and look around.

"Huh?"

"I want my clothes back. No more scheme, no more anything. I'm done."

I felt a little funny, as if there was something in my throat.

"What do you mean? No more tom-foolery?"

"YES!" I sighed. "That's exactly what I mean!"

The feeling was like a big bump, or bubble. I felt myself starting to grimace.

"Why?"

"BECAUSE!"

"Why?" He repeated.

"BECAUSE! I said so. Give me back my clothes!" I had stopped unbuttoning halfway down.

"Did something happen?"

"NO!" I heard the change in my voice.

"Something did happen. Like something weird?"

"Nothing happened." I couldn't talk.

"What happened?"

"Nothing!" I gasp, and fall to the floor. Before I know it, there is wet all over my cheeks, and I'm shaking with huge pathetic sobs. I throw my glasses to the side, and hold my head in my hands.

"Hey..." No, why was I crying like some idiot? I peeked out and saw him sitting next to me. "Here." He handed me my glasses, and I took them.

"What's wrong? Tell me what happened?"

"It was supposed to go horribly wrong! That's what you said!"

"What went wrong? What was horrible?"

"..." I floundered madly for words.

"What happened?" He looked almost genuinely concerned now.

"...THAT STUPID CUNT LURRCI!" I wail out in a rush of anger.

"Syazel, calm down."

"FUCK! I'll KILL her!" He pats my shoulder awkwardly.

"What did she do?"

I look at him savagely.

"She FUCKED him."

"..."

"Your right, this is stupid. Why am I upset?" I bury my head in my arms again. Why was I upset?

"Lurrci got with Nnoitra?"

I nodded.

"... Are you serious?"

I nodded.

"...Just now?"

I nodded.

"...That's kinda funny."

I look up and he's smiling as usual.

"You have to admit, it's funny. If it wasn't in this circumstance, it would be downright hilarious, but... just think about it."

"I think... I think I'm going to kill that stupid whore."

"I have a better idea?"

"...What?" A better idea than killing Lurrci? This I had to hear.

"Revenge." He prompted.

"That's the same shit that got me here in the first place."

"Fine, why don't you just step up your game and steal him?"

"...Huh?"

He sighed feigning exasperation. "Beat her at her own game!"

"She doesn't have a 'game'!" I quoted. "All she does is fuck people!"

He just looks at me.

"...Are you hinting something by that look? Are you implying something awful with that stare? Cuz I think you are. I think you're trying to-"

"Get you to sleep with him? Oh of course not, where did you get that idea? Huh? Why did you instantly go there? Huh? You wanna fuck him? Huh? You want him on top of you again? Huh? Poundin' you like there's no tomorrow? Huh? F-"

"..."

"...What?"

"..."

"...You want me to stop?"

"...Yes."

"Positive?"

"..."

"Are you sure?"

"Am I sure? Am I SURE? He threw me down and raped me!" (A/n: Rape isn't funny, LOLZ! Who am I kidding? I think everything is hilarious in the right context. But Love-Rape isn't funny. It's hard to laugh in between all the screams. :d) I hadn't said it out loud before. It sounded strange.

****

ICHIMARU GIN:

"...Ignore the cliche, but how do you feel about that? The whole rape thing?"He looked back at me with wide eyes, then looked down at the floor.

"... I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"..." He fiddled with the hem on his dress, ever so slightly starting to fray, and he shrugged.

"...Tell me what happened." The way he had instantly shut down was... strange to say the least. The Arrancar certainly had emotions as I had learned, not a particularly wide range, but a range all the same. Sure Ulquiorra had those teal lines down his face, but I had never seen one cry.

Ulquiorra was the most emotionless one of them all it seemed. No laughter, no tears, hardly ever showing real anger, always blank. If you looked at his eyes, you could sometimes see traces of disgust or disinterest.

But Syazel could give him a run for his money with the look he was giving the floor.

No traces or flickers of emotion in his eyes.

"...Syazel?" His eyes flicked up at me for a moment, but returned to the floor.

Huh. This was obviously going nowhere fast. I stood up and began digging through my closet. I opened the drawer and took out the stack of his clothes, and set them on the bed. I returned to the closet and walked to the back to the secret door.

Even if I had to go to Nnoitra, I wanted to know what happened. This was getting slightly ridiculous. For seriously now.

I dart around the secret passage ways to the Espada rooms, and step out into the hallway. I walk swiftly to door 5.

'_Knock knock knock knock_'

"Hold your fuckin horses..." I hear from inside. A moment later a disheveled Nnoitra emerges. "Whaddya want?"

"...What the hell happened to you?" I he looks awful. Which is funny.

"Nothin. What do you want?" He repeats.

"Well, not much but perhaps we should take this conversation elsewhere?"

"...Huh?"

I push him inside.

"I want to know..." I shove him into a chair. "What happened between you and Syazel."

"...Huh?"

"Oh, such devious rebuttal. Is that your favorite response?"

"...?" He gives me a dazed look. "This isn't a great time for whatever it is you want."

"Tell me what happened between you and Syazel!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You and SYAZEL!"

"Nothing happened."

"..." I just look at him. "Something did happen. You can't bullshit a bullshitter Nnoitra."

"What?"

"How was it?"

"What?"

"You know what you did!" You can't lie to someone who is an expert. Like me. "Stop beating about the bush!" I decide to go for the kill on this. It's like calling a spade a spade, but the spade things it's a crayon and refuses to believe ANYTHING else. Fuckin spades...

"I'm not beating a bush here, -"

"You did _something_ to Syazel. I'm not an idiot."

"How do you know?"

"How do I know?"

"Yes, how do you know what happened? That fucke-"

"He didn't rat you out, he didn't say anything." Manipulator switch up 3 notches. "No, he didn't say a word. I knew something happened."

"What do you mean?"

"If I could tell, I mean, that means a lot."

"What do you mean, you could tell?"

"There is _SOMETHING_ between you two. So what happened? How did it happen? Did ya do it by force? Cohesion? "

" Nah, he seemed absolutely fine with it." And the bastard smirks. Well, like me he usually smirks, but I digress.

"What do you mean he was fine with it?"

"No protests or anything."

"Spread like butter?"

"HA, yeah. Pretty much."

"Didn't even say anything?"

"Well, I he didn't seem to."

"Seem to?"

"Well I covered his mouth."

"...Did ya gag him?"

"...You're a perverted mother fucker, ain't ya?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"A BDSM catalogue?"

"I said S & M. Nothing about the other stuff!" I snicker. Ah, the years of Soul Society work have made me such a great actor. Not that I wasn't great before...

"I didn't gag him." He brushes a stray strand of hair behind his ear. "I should of."

"So. How did it happen?"

****

OKAY. GO WITH IT. I'm changing it into it's own story, un-connected with the one it came from. So go with it. Just smile, nod, and keep reading. :P

"Well, he was doing some strange experiment which could very well substitute as watching live action porn."

"So you got all hot an bothered an jumped him?"

"... Yeah that pretty much sums it up."

"...An he said nothing?"

"Well, there was probably the obligatory initial 'what the hell are you doing', but I tuned it all out pretty well."

"...So if he did say something,"

"I really have no idea. Why?"

"So... it was consensual?"

"Consensual? I didn't so much as kiss him. No romance here." He laughs. "Get off and get going, as I say."

"So what was Lurrci? Another random booty call? Did she say no?"

"He didn't say no. And how the hell do you know about Lurrci?"

"Well I assume you don't own that there garter, which I'm pretty positive belongs to her..."

"What? Where?" He looks around wildly, hair thrashing around. "Damn it! I don't want give it back."

"...What?"

"She likes me. If I go over there, who KNOWS what she'll think?"

"You don't like her?"

"Hell no."

"Do you like Syazel?"

"No, what am I, a fag?"

"..." I give him a look. "Well you fucked him."

"Sex is sex, why can't anybody understand that!?"

"Then are you a nympho?"

"...Seriously?"

"Well, sex is sex for a nympho and it has nothing to do with romance. Well, technically for them is a compulsion."

"No, sex is sex because I like it! Why the fuck are you here?!"

"Sheesh! So you don't like Syazel or Lurrci?"

"No." He said flatly.

"And neither Lurrci or Syazel said no?"

"What, jealous that I get laid and you get stuck blowing Aizen?"

"Har har, fucker. Neither Lurrci or Syazel said no?"

"Lurrci? No? Please. She's a whore."

"And Syazel?"

"What the hell is with this 3rd degree?!"

"Answer. Honestly."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"Why?"

"Because Syazel isn't a whore. And Syazel did say no."

"What, does he want a fucking apology? I never regret anything, and I don't regret that."

"No, he doesn't want an apology."

"Well he wouldn't get one."

"Well, that's good. Because he sure seems to like you now."

"FINE!"

"..."

"...Wait. What?"

"..."

"I WASN'T LISTENING TO WHAT YOU WERE SAYING!"

"..."

"...I DON'T LIKE HIM! I'M NOT GAY!"

"..."

"STOP IT!"

"..."

"Seriously. Stop."

"Stop what?"

"That, not saying anything!"

"Why? Would you rather I jump to conclusions?"

"You WERE jumping to conclusions!"

"No I wasn't. I wasn't saying anything. You were the one jumping to conclusions."

"How?!"

"Oh please, with the billion and a half denials? ' I wasn't listening' 'I don't like him' and 'I'm not gay!'." I mock..

"I didn't sound like that."

"Well that's what you said at least."

"Well I meant it!"

"Sure."

"I did!"

"I know!"

"I'm not in denial, I'm not gay and I don't like him! I'm not apologizing because I don't regret anything! I'm have no feelings for either of them, I just like sex! Is that a crime?!"

"Well, rape is."

"Has this whole thing been some sort of... ... Something?"

"Yes, this whole thing has been a something."

"A what?"

"I was kidding! It's not anything! I was mocking you and your choice of words! Or lack of."

"Why are you here?"

"Just to clear things up."

"..."

"Well, I'm done." I turn to leave. As I step out the door, I turn back. "And y'know, you ought to apologize. Maybe not for the whole rape thing, which you do not regret, but maybe for not kissing him. Really. Who fucks someone with out kissing them? Did you kiss Lurrci?"

"...No but she kissed me."

I shrug. "And unlike you, he seems to not be very calm about the whole ordeal."

"...?"

"Well, he's gone into some whole self reproach and crap. On second though, maybe don't apologize for anything. It's probably best if you don't talk to him at all. Rape is usually somewhat traumatic. Y'know? Anyways, buy-bye!" He huffs, and I leave. Slimy douchebag.

* * *

**GODDAMN, i have a lot of FUCKING DIALOGUE!**

* * *


	4. A Kiss Is Not A Contract

**NNOITRA BABY WHOO! (Mostly inspired by andrew cuz he's an expert at bein' an asshole/slimy douchebag extraordinaire.) But I love him :D**

**And uh... yeah... I just MIGHT have gotten my writing muse back. MAYBE.**

**I finally got 'lurrci's' name right. Cirucci Thunderwitch. Yeh. I dunno if that was obvious or you were just like 'who the fuck is lurrci'? I dunno. I could NOT remember her name to save my life. I asked andrew and he was like 'uuuuuuuuuuuh, curry, lurri, purri, percy, cerpy lerpi lerci perli... I dunno.' ... HA! I shoulda called her herpe. HA, ok. Really tho. Now that that's settled, on with tha fic yo!**

* * *

**NNOITRA:**

Of course I had given thought to what Gin had said. Not much, but some. Maybe I thought about it in the minute before I took a nap. Damn. Cirucci just would NOT stop. Oh, Nnoitra this, oh nnoitra that. Woman was incessant and nagging. That was a very bad idea. Perhaps I should of just found some lowly hollow. Or I could of paid another visit to _Syazel_...

I make my way to the dinning room and sit down. The only ones here are Haibel, Stark, and Aaroneiro. Ulquiorra comes in next, followed by surprisingly normal clothed Syazel. He sits down quietly, staring at the silverware.

Then everyone else files in shortly after. Everyone except Cirucci.

Aizen taps his fingers idly on the table cloth, and pours himself a glass of wine. He nods, and most everybody follows suit.

I am torn between being extremely suspicious and ecstatic that Cirucci is not here.

A few minutes later, Cirucci enters the room.

"I 'm sorry, I couldn't find my other pause well, garter." I reach for the bottle of merlo (andrew says: FUCK Pinot Noir, fuck Pinot Gri! Merlo and ...uh that other one. Andre's sparkling peach wine. DAMN that stuff is good. And CARLO ROSSI!! So... anyways... uh, let us press on...) and she taps my shoulder and says sweetly, " I didn't leave it in your room, did I?"

As I pour into my glass not responding, there is a simultaneous downing of glasses by Ulquiorra, Gin, Me, and Syazel. Syazel gets the glass back down on the table non too gently, and sinks down in his chair. Grimmjaw stares down at the end of the table as Aizen sighs, stares at the ceiling and twiddles his thumbs. Stark clears his throat, while Tousen closes his eyes. I dunno why, the guy can't see anything anyways.

"What would your garter, or you for that matter, be doing in my room?" I say bitterly. Her over the top smile turns quickly into an icy glare, and she stalks off to her seat. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but does that apply to a whore who had it coming? I guess I'll find out. But I'm not worried. What can the 7th do to the 5th?

"Well, now that we're all here,-" I pay no attention to what he is saying. Something about the food, maybe where the lettuce came from, something about the olives, really. No one cares that much about the fucking salad. It's fucking SALAD.

Syazel is staring anywhere but across the table at Cirucci, who is glaring at him.

_Thunderbitch! Holy shit! I'm clever!!_ I'm not sure how I didn't come up with that before. I stifle my laughter which earns me a few glares. Just wait till she says something again. She opens her fucking mouth... and my genius will be revealed.

So far, my attempts to make eye contact with Syazel have been to no avail. Even my desperate, annoying, completely obvious throat clearing.

Maybe I should try OOOOOOOOOOOOONE more time...

"ahem" I glance over the table. Jagerjaques is glaring at me again, and Syazel is still looking down.

"Nnoitra?" I look at Gin. "Are you ill?"

"...Ill?"

"Sick."

"Sick?"

"YES. SICK." I look at him blankly.

Barragan eyes me wearily and scoots towards Stark.

**Syazel:**

"If yer sick, scoot over." The third espada grunts. "I don't want none of your germs."

"If you think you ARE getting sick," Aizen starts. Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. Please Aizen, read my mind, don't say it. "Perhaps you should see Dr. Grantz."

... Keep your composure Syazel, keep your composure. I slowly look up. Don't look at him, just look at Aizen, this will all be okay, just don't -FUCK.

I guess I look pretty ridiculous right now. I feel like the cliche deer in headlights. He however, looks very calm. Happy in fact. Well, now that I'm looking, I might as well. I quickly glance at Cirucci. She is looking murderous.

Aaroneiro slyly grabs the steak knife from beside her plate, just in case. We _really_ aught to give him more credit... Even if he is a creeper.

* * *

**WOW. I think I got it back. I'm SO FUCKING STOKED! The comic thing I was making is going to have to wait, but FUUUUUUUUUCK that. This is awesome. I'm so FUCKING STOKED. I'm sure you guys are too. Sorry about the long wait.**


	5. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I'M NOT DEAD.

I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry!

I'm so sorry! T_T I'll come back and write more!

:C WELL I'M BACK BITCHES. YEEEE BOI. GET SOME.

EXPECT UPDATES.

Kings will be first.

Importance and Perfection next.

More Honey More Bees still needs a total overhaul.

I might just delete the whole thing or just all the chapters. Unknown.

*ANGRYFACE.* Back with a vengence.


End file.
